he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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