I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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