Dual....:-)
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
