$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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