Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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