coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
