I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
