two words: eviction party
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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