He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
