We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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