my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
