there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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