hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
