He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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