looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
