before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
