omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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