I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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