I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
