The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
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I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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