my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
