Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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