I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
