i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
