she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Every concussion has its silver lining
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
