u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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