Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
