Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My vagina just recognized that song.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
