What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
