Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
