five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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