The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
