I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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