Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
