i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
