y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I cockslap morals
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
