I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
