I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
