Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
