I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
