I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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