Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
