it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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