dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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