Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
