I'm gonna have a badass scar
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
