He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
