You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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