I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
