either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
