I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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