I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
