Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
