My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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