why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
