There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
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My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize