I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
