I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
