My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
