I hope mine doesn't look like that
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
