3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Still dying that you shit outside
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
