shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
