Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I can text with my tongue
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
