gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
