i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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