Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
