I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
