Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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