i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
