somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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