if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
