I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
True strength comes from lack of pants
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
