Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
